If you’ve been living under a rock for the past five years, and you’re still having difficulty meeting your future significant other when you’re out and about, time to jump on the online dating scene; like yesterday.
What’s that? You’ve tried it and no dice? Let me guess, people didn’t look like their photos, they lied about their life, you were ghosted, you bought dinners and drinks only to be friend zone. Yes, we’ve heard it all before, its tragic out there.
What if we told you that you’ve been doing it all wrong? Yezir, all wrong. Truth of the matter is that this whole online dating craze has changed how people meet, communicate and interact.
Both men and women, especially women, have significantly more choices on who they want to talk to on an app or website then when being out socially, especially in metropolitan cities such as Los Angeles, New York, Chicago and Miami where looks tend to be way above average, so its no biggie if you get ghosted. It just means someone better came along or your communication game was wack or both.
The key to online dating is actually very simple and if you understand how to operate, many dates and meaningful relationships await you. It’s about creating value in yourself and proving to the other person that your are better than everyone on their current/future dating roster and that you show future potential for a serious relationship, hopefully resulting in marriage.
OK so here it is, we’re going to hit you with five simple rules for successful online dating, some which you’ve heard before or learned the hard way, however, if you follow them closely, one word “RESULTS”!
Remember, the key here is simplicity and operating with the mindset that you are creating value in yourself and for the other person; how you respond, interact and engage will change how you feel about yourself and how the other person perceives you.
For the guys:
1. Photos – have 5-7 photos, no shirtless or ab photos, and each photo should depict something that you like to do both in your professional and private life. Girls like to see balance in guys as they think that makes for a great life partner, so show off that balance with great pics.
Avoid pics depicting excessive parting, drinking, or of you in or next to a fancy car, as you’d likely be perceived as a party animal, selfish or dbag. You’d be surprised how many guys get this one wrong.
2. Profile or Bio – this is a big one because girls swipe with purpose so if you have good pictures, they will want to see what your profile says. So, here is your chance to be unique, witty and original, in other words, standout. Your pictures already tell a story, now tell a story with your bio that isn’t showcased by your pics (balance, remember?).
If you don’t have a profile, tough luck as a good portion of prospects will swipe left because they will think you’re not serious about a relationship and are on there for hooking up only. Crazy right? But its how some girls think. If they are taking the time to curate pics and write their bio, so should you.
If you have a social media account such as Instagram, you can link it up to your profile as it provides more insights into your life as girls look for the commonalities between the person you are making yourself to be on the dating app/website versus the person you are on social media.
3. Conversation – OK , this is a big one and could be the deal breaker. The photos and bio, AKA your online dating resume got your foot in the door for an interview (conversation) now its your time to “wow” her. Your opening line will mostly determine the success of the conversation.
You got great pics, great bio but now you have to follow up with some great convo game to engage and keep her attention. Avoid basic words such as “hi”, “hello” or “hows your day going” and open with a joke or a riddle or a funny stat; anything that captures attention in a friendly manner.
Try not to text to much or to little, space out the conversation and give well-though-out short responses, also, avoid topics such as religion, politics or anything that’s sensitive. Remember that 95% of those girls are on daring sites because they are looking for something substantial and serious so tailoring your convos to those elements would only help you. Lastly, its all about timing, master it and it will get you a number, phone call even a face to face meeting. Guaranteed!
4. Moving the conversation off the dating app/website – ok, so the conversation is going good and its consistent, and if shes messaging you, that’s a great sign. Think 70/30 rule, if shes engaging 70% of the time, she definitely interested and its now time to go to the next step, which is to ask for the number.
If she gives it to you then you’re one step closer to meeting her in person. Sometimes, she may not want to give our her number just yet, especially if shes really attractive (only because she’s had experience in the past where guys would no leave her alone), but will offer to meet in person first which is also a very good sign.
Some guys like to talk on the phone after they get the number to put a voice to the girls pictures and also feel her out; careful as this can be a double-edge-sword. Your phone game best be on par with your texting game meaning you need to be as funny and engaging, if not, she will lose interest quick and she may not want to meet you in person anymore.
Believe it or not, being able to carry on conversations as engaging as your texting ability is key as that’s the number one deal breaker after you met her in person. Not being able to communicate as swiftly in person as you did on text if the chief complaint among women in online dating.
5. Closing – if you are not familiar with that term, its referred to a step in the sales process when a good or service has successfully been sold. Our number one advice here is, and you’ve heard this before, “be yourself”. Yea, we know, a lot easier said than done especially if you happen to find the girl really attractive, you may be tempted to impress her; but DON’T.
She will know right away and will unconsciously dismiss you, and will probably not want to see you again. A lot of guys are guilty of doing this, don’t be like the other guys. Be strategic with where you decide to meet, as the setting can have a big impact on how she perceives you.
The more quiet an intimate the setting, the better as it would put her more at ease and making her comfortable, allowing her to soak in more of your great energy enabling her to want to see more of you. Be respectful, fun and engaging, show her that you’re the good person that your parents always tell everyone about, more importantly show subtle signs that you’re interested in a long term relationship; she will know right away if you’re puffing or just trying to hookup by how you answer her questions.
Remember, be positive, exude great energy and be confident. If things don’t work out or she doesn’t want to see you again, don’t sweat it, laugh it off and get back out there. If possible, ask the girl what you did wrong so you can improve yourself on the next new date. You will be surprised how much you will learn bout yourself and how much your confidence will grow.
For the girls:
1. Photos – have 5-7 RECENT (nothing older than 2 months) photos that depict your professional and private life, in other words what you like to do in a subtle way. Remember, guys are very visual so they will pretty much swipe right if they see a lot of skin as in their minds, you’ve already blurred the line from being gf material to being their potential hookup.
Avoid excessive selfies, photos of you parting or in bathing suits with your attractive single gfs, more importantly avoid photos showcasing designer swag such as expensive purses, jewelry and fancy cars. You don’t want to give off the impression that you are only interested in a certain lifestyle.
2. Profile or Bio – something short and funny if possible that tells a story that your pictures don’t already do. Try to be clever, witty and sweet. More and more guys are intrigued and attracted to confident and intelligent women, so if you look the part in your pics, speak the “unspoken” part in your bio so the idea of just “hooking up” gets erased from a guys head.
Avoid starting your profile with “Something about me,…” or “lets see, I like to…” that bio space is there for a reason, for your bio, so use that space wisely. Remember, less text is more text now a days.
3. Conversation – this is huge, guys are looking for the whole package; looks, brains and communications skills, among other things. Having a guy friend help you with this part is a smart move because he can help craft and position conversations that engages guys. In other words, look at their profile photos and bio, draw a conclusion on what they may like and maintain subtle convos on those topics.
If time permits, try learning about a certain topic or sport just to have an intelligent convo with guys goes a long way as it shows that you’re flexible and have the willingness to adapt and blend in. Guys love that as it instills confidence and intelligence. Show him that you can hang with him and his friends during Thursday night football without being overly “girly” and/or “needy”.
Avoid, and I can’t stress this enough, AVOID going through a mental check list and asking questions that have open ended answers such as “what are you looking for on here” or “are you religious” or “why are you on here” or “whats your 5 year plan”, as those questions do excessive damage because girls think they pre-qualify guys based on those answers making them a much more suitable match for them, but in fact it pushes guys away because they will feel that you just want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship and compete with your bff’s or are a victim of the social pressures.
No body wants that. Be more than just a pretty face, be smart and be that girl that he takes home to introduce to his family. Also, don’t be afraid to dominate the conversation and be engaging, that’s a part of how genuine connections and relationships start; timing.
4. Moving the conversation off the dating app/website – guys will want to move quick, especially if they think you are attractive, smart and fun. They will want to get some face-to-face time with you so if you’re feeling him, give him that opportunity to do so. Avoid offering your number or to meet right off the bat as guys are not used to that and will think you are desperate, just want a free dinner and drink, or you just wanna hook up.
When planning to talk to the guy or meeting him for the first time, remember how you got there in the first place, its because you’ve nailed steps 1-3 so continue being on your game and be engaging. Also, I know that most girls think that the guy should pay for the first date and second and all the way up to fifth, but you can throw him a curve ball and offer to go Dutch (split the checks).
Most guys would not be used to that idea because they feel like they should pay and also it could send mixed signals that you many not be interested, but offer to go on another date and watch his eyes sparkle. Meeting him half way whenever possible is a great attribute and shows that you have great character and he’ll be into you even more. Not to mention, you’ll come across as sufficient and cool, attributes that most girls lack no matter how successful they are.
5. Closing – just how guys are putting in work, its also expected that girls put in work as well. AVOID going through a mental check list or picturing if he would be a great husband or dad. Stop future projecting as you’ll only be sabotaging yourself.
Almost all girls are guilty of that which is why they are still single. Key is to keep it simple and take it 15 minutes at a time when on the date. If you’re interested in seeing him again, let him know, don’t be shy, guys like confident women.
Its amazing how many single, beautiful, and intelligent women are out there but they are still single for a reason, because they don’t know how to date and allow their emotions and the pressures of society to dictate the outcome of their next relationship, if there even is one.
Follow the five simple steps listed above and watch as your prospect list increases from “ok” to “great” future bf even husband material candidates.